{"id":1279,"date":"2025-08-12T17:20:30","date_gmt":"2025-08-12T17:20:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mikeclover.com\/blog\/?p=1279"},"modified":"2025-08-12T17:20:30","modified_gmt":"2025-08-12T17:20:30","slug":"when-adult-children-return-to-the-nest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mikeclover.com\/blog\/2025\/08\/12\/when-adult-children-return-to-the-nest\/","title":{"rendered":"When adult children return to the nest\u2026<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Once upon a time, multi-generational households were common. Then for many years, they were not. Children spread their wings and left home after high school or college and parents either stayed in their own homes or moved to senior living facilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now the trend is reversing. I was startled to read that nearly half of parents say they have an adult child between the ages of 18 and 35 who has returned home. And, according to exceptionalcare.com, 1 in 5 Americans live in multi-generational households. Therefore, some adults are housing both their parents and their children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What causes adult children to move back home?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money is usually the motivating factor. Entry level salaries haven\u2019t kept up with the rising cost of living. And if the kids grew up in even a moderately affluent household, those salaries can\u2019t keep up with the lifestyle they expected to live when going out on their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Job layoffs are another factor. Sometimes young families move back with mom and dad because they can\u2019t see any other way to take care of their own children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some families, this is an easy situation \u2013 for others it is not.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some children returning home expect to contribute to household expenses, do their share of laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. Others come home expecting to be treated like pampered children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some are budgeting to get back on their own as soon as possible. Others are now comfortable, so both the urgency to find their own place and budgeting go out the window. In fact, only 46% of parents surveyed gave their returning children top marks for budgeting skills. (Perhaps this lack is the reason they needed to return home.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, having extra mouths to feed and facing higher utility bills can put a strain on the parents\u2019 finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Money isn\u2019t the only issue.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The parent-child relationship plays a crucial role in the happiness of everyone concerned. When a child returns home as an adult, the situation is altered, so trying to go back to \u201cthe way it was\u201d will likely cause hard feeling all around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both parents and children must start with a positive mindset.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Accept that it\u2019s not a failure.<\/strong>
It doesn\u2019t mean that either the parents or the children did something wrong. It\u2019s just a season – sometimes a necessary one – and it\u2019s often financially smart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Parents must treat their children as adults.<\/strong>
They must void slipping back into old \u201cparent\/child\u201d habits where they micromanage or scold. Instead, they should think of them as housemates who are also family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Assume goodwill.<\/strong>
Everyone\u2019s dignity is on the line, so everyone should assume that each person is doing their best until proven otherwise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That does mean that you need a clear understanding.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may be difficult or uncomfortable, but it\u2019s best to have a direct conversation upfront.
Parents and children should sit down together before<\/em> or right when they move in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents who don\u2019t know what to say might try: \u201cI want us to be able to enjoy our time together without misunderstandings. Can we make a few agreements about how we\u2019ll handle expenses and privacy?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk through:<\/p>\n\n\n\n